Rethinking Lemonade

“I took the path less traveled and that made all the difference…” Robert Frost

I had to get out of first gear. I had to shift the bike into second gear to get enough speed to do the exercise. But somehow, it wasn’t happening as it was supposed to happen. I was doing something wrong…

It was 92° on the huge asphalt parking lot of the USS Hornet on Alameda Island, just across from San Francisco. The air was full of ash from the Napa fires. Twelve students of varying levels of skills were there to get certified for the California Motorcycle Safety Class. I lingered at the bottom of the Most Likely to Pass list. I had little experience in manual transmissions and no motorcycle experience. My bike riding experience was even a bit shaky.

This wasn’t the first uncomfortable situation I’ve been in and it certainly won’t be the last. Past experience told me I would suffer from “Brain-Disconnect Syndrome” or what I prefer to call The Ostrich Effect* that had rendered me empty-headed in the past. I had established a plan of action to overcome the stress of being in a situation that pushed all of my buttons.

I call this action plan the A-BREAK method. It’s a 6-step process that helps me break out of old patterns and create new successful ones. It’s easy to employ the A-BREAK methodology whenever I’m in a high-stress situation where focus is critical. I’m going to share it with you. 

The A-BREAK Method in Action

It starts with your Attention. You have to notice when your brain disengages. This is like the diagnosis step for the doctor. You realize you’re in a high-stress situation where you need to respond or react to regain control. The act of noticing can be the trigger to set this flow into motion.

The second step is to Breathe. Breathing brings you back into the present and helps your mind to focus. When you get stressed out, you tend to hold your breath, but your brain needs oxygen to function. So breathe. 

Using a structured method to breathe helps you to regain your focus. I recommend the 4 x 2 x6  breathing formula: inhale for 4 counts, hold for 2 counts, exhale for 6 counts. This shifts your nervous system from the sympathetic nerves, which is the fight or flight system which doesn’t allow for thinking, back to the parasympathetic nervous system which engages your brain. Now, back to the motorcycle story.

I took a breath and then reviewed the details in my mind… throttle, clutch, gear shifter… brake. Gear shifter… that was it. The gear shifter… I have to get my toe UNDERNEATH and lift UP to get into second gear. That explains it. I kept pushing down… which accomplished nothing. 

I tried that. Again and again. I’m a slow learner… I kept trying the same thing and expecting different results. Einstein would not be impressed. My motorcycle safety instructor, Sue, was not impressed. I wasn’t even impressed. NOW what was the problem? 

I went back to review. Throttle, clutch, brakes… clutch… oh yes… the clutch! I had to first pull the clutch in, then LIFT the gear pedal, then ease the clutch out. I was rewarded with a smooth shift of the gears as the motorcycle shifted into second and began to ride smoother. I got it!

You can see the pattern. Something goes wrong. I panic. My brain disengages. I can’t think. What I REALLY want to do at this point is to go home, but how could I face my kids and tell them I gave up? I go back to my strategy. Notice that I’m panicking. Breathe. The breathing helps me to Relax. Once I can relax, I can think again. This enables me to Engage my brain to review the fundamentals. Once I go through the fundamentals, I can find what step I’m missing and create an Action Plan. Once I have the plan, I can Kick Start into action. As long as I’m calm and keep breathing, I can think about my options. 

I continue to practice.

The thrill of the roaring engine didn’t last long. I had to stop. Then the engine died. Damn. Why did it keep dying? And why couldn’t I start it up again? 

Keep breathing. 

I can do this, I know I can. (The wicked evil wolf inside of me laughs and says, ‘so you think!’ I don’t let him take over. I focus on review.)

Mental review again. Throttle, clutch, gear shifter, brake… gear shifter… I’m still in second. I have to be in first gear to start the engine. Shift down. Pull the clutch in, push the starter button. The engine roars to life. 

Here you can see that once I start breathing, I am able to relax, which is step 3. Once I relax, my brain re-engages which is step 4. I know I am in step 4 because I can go through the steps of starting the motorcycle in my mind. Step 5 happens–my action plan. By reviewing the basics, I can see where I am missing the step to get the motorcycle to restart. As long as I can think, I can figure out what step is missing so I can do things differently. 

How to Stay Engaged

I knew taking the motorcycle class that it would be challenging for me. I have a fear of losing control and going fast. That fear led to my failure to develop a love of skiing. It all circles back to my brain shutting down under duress. 

My sister and her beau were taking the motorcycle class with me. They helped me to review the basics. I kept breathing to keep focused. I would have been mortified to break down in tears over a motorcycle that couldn’t read my mind. Perhaps if I could have somehow attached the Alexa to the engine those two could have worked it out and all I would have had to do was bark the orders. 

But it didn’t work that way. 

I had to pull my big girl pants on. They were a bit tight. (Another aftermath of the quarantine.)

Why this is happening

The key to success for me was to keep control over my Inner Saboteur (the wicked wolf) who comes out when I’m in stressful situations. My Inner Saboteur gathers his strength from the limiting beliefs I’ve carried from childhood of not being good enough. I’m not alone in these beliefs, most people suffer from them in one form or another. I’m particularly susceptible when it comes to anything that requires physical ability… like riding a motorcycle. My self-doubts are triggered which escalates my fears of not being good enough preventing me from being able to think about what I’m doing or supposed to be doing. Learning coping mechanisms has helped me to manage these fears or at least keep them quiet enough so I can hear my brain think. 

A second key to success in gaining confidence in my ability to do something physical. This is my motivation. I’m impelled to move forward by an Inner Authority (as Robert Greene calls it) (or my Good Wolf) to push beyond the obstacles in my life. (I fear that this means I will have to try skiing again…) 

The Big Demand

You see, if you don’t get outside of your comfort zone, you’ll never know your full potential and you’ll never realize your true greatness. You must make demands on yourself, not live in complacency. You aren’t here to be complacent. You’re here to live to your best, highest potential and that happens OUTSIDE of your comfort zone. Inside the comfort zone, you become fat and lazy. You don’t become your very best self. If you realize you’re weak in one area, focus your all to build up that area. Otherwise that Achilles Heel will be your constant nemesis and hold you back from doing the great things you’re meant to do.

I am weak in the physical realm. I’m lazy and prefer to read over exercise. But a body needs movement to thrive and to reach its full potential. So that’s where I push myself. 

I can tell you with 100% honesty, I would have much rather been sitting at my desk writing a blog post than sitting on that motorcycle with Sue standing over me telling me that everything was covered in the online course which I had completed so I knew what to do and now I just had to do it. 

I don’t even care that my desk chair is miserably uncomfortable. Now I was walking like a cowboy and my ego was badly beaten. Well, it wasn’t the first time and I can assure you it won’t be the last. 

Keeping the Newbie Frame of Mind

I kept a newbie frame of mind.

I kept a positive outlook.

I told myself over and over that I could ride this motorcycle.

I could do it. 

And I did. I did ride that motorcycle. Just not well enough to pass the class. So I get the honor of spending two more days with Sue on the hot asphalt of the USS Hornet parking lot and the Honey Buckets bathroom. (That alone should have been enough to motivate me to pass on the first go-around!)

No one said life was rosy outside your comfort zone.

No one said it was going to be easy. 

No one said I would accomplish my goals quickly. 

What they did say is that all growth takes place outside your comfort zone. And I’m growing and challenging myself in new ways. 

In college, I took a quarter of German. My mother told me I was lousy at languages, which is why I took Latin in high school… no speaking was required. As it happens, I got a D in German. The teacher, a very lovely woman, told me I had really improved (guess I was going to get an F, but I pulled through last minute) and that I should take the class again. At the time I thought she was nuts. Why would I take it AGAIN after getting a D?

What I didn’t realize as a brash 18-year-old, is that if I had taken it again, and done better, I would have learned that I could indeed learn a language and be good at it once I got the foundation down. I expected too much too fast. But I didn’t give myself the opportunity to succeed because I never took another course in German. 

But the motorcycle story will have a different ending. I have a bigger goal. When I pass the motorcycle test and get my license, I will have conquered my fear and put that wolf out to pasture, at least for now. 

True motivation comes from inside. It comes from me wanting to expose myself to more possibilities. It comes from a desire to say, Yes! to life. To hook onto the Shondra Rhimes philosophy of a year of yes.

To not live in fear …

Fear of failure.

Fear of humiliation.

Fear of not being good enough.

At heart I know I am good enough to do it.

I just have to stick with it until it comes to pass. 

Life provides you the opportunities you need to learn and grow. The question is, will you say yes. Will you accept the opportunities and take your life to the next level? 

If you don’t, if you choose to stay small and live a sheltered life, protected from the possibilities offered you, you’ll never blossom to your fullest potential. You’ll never become all you’ve been created to be. You’ll miss “your one and only precious life” as Mary Oliver called it. 

Don’t be overcome by a mere throttle and clutch. Go for the gusto. Be all you can be. Be in the arena of your life. Life is not a spectator sport. Get all in the game. And don’t forget to smile. In the heat of it, you will find pleasure in overcoming your previous limitations. They were only imaginary anyway. When Life gives you lemons, why settle for lemonade when you could have Lemon souffle?

*The Ostrich Effect is what happens when a person decides to bury their head in the sand instead of dealing with the matter at hand. It is the result of “Brain-Disconnect Syndrome” and can best be overcome by employing the A-BREAK method described above.