Prepare for the Empty Nest Syndrome

“No you cannot wear those pants out of the house.”

Audrey was pretty adamant about that.

I felt pretty cool and tough in the pants, but obviously that feeling didn’t translate into “looking … good” as well.

Time to take the pants off. Or, just stay home.

Why would I wear something out that made me look less than my best?

Even if I DID feel like a Rock Star.

Why I asked, “Do these make my butt look big?” I got the answer no one wants.

Change your pants.

Sometimes I just have to get over myself. I can be pretty lazy (and possibly stubborn…).

To change my pants meant that I had to take off my shoes, which were Madde’s shoes… her Timberlands. I never knew a pair of shoes could make you feel like such a badass.

And being a badass is on my bucket list.

But here I was in pants that made my butt look big and shoes that brought out my badass-ness.

What this all means is that I was on my way to my motorcycle class where being a badass is definitely a benefit and a big following keeps you comfy on those seats.

Don’t Get Stuck in an Old Groove

There comes a time where you realize that it’s time for the next chapter of your life to begin. After years of being on the path: college, work, marriage, family, kids, dogs, college for them… and suddenly, after 20 years, what’s next? Who had plans for when the kids were gone?

Covid delayed that commencement for many months, but I feel like it’s coming again.

With the kids gone, and Gunnar retired, what is my plan?

Luckily, I started to fear this day when the girls were about 10 years old. I became a certified coach. No. Not baseball. Or even water aerobics. A motivational coach with a focus on accountability. I had a plan.

I learned that many women DON’T have a plan. They suffer from what I call the “empty nest syndrome” and wonder, “OK. Now what?”

Different women handle this in different ways. Some fall into long winey lunches with friends. Some have another kid. Some go back to school. What they all have in common is that they are looking for ways to fill the void.

Before, there was a path to follow. You did all the things that were expected of you. Then those things are completed. Now it’s time to write your own chapter. To figure out what you want to do. To CREATE the next chapter of your life.

This is no time to be binge watch Netflix shows.

This is time to take inventory of your life and decide where you want to go.

This is finally YOUR time.

Societal expectations are done. You’ve completed your jobs. Now you can choose the life you want.

(But you better hurry before the kids move back in or worse yet, your parents move in…)

Make a Decision

Some women get stuck at this point. I know the feeling. I get that feeling when I stand before the cereal aisle at the Safeway and have to make a choice. It’s overwhelming. I walk up and down the aisle looking at all the options. I want something healthy and delicious… very low sugar… hum…

And then I select what I’ve selected for the last 40 years… Cheerios.

Comfortable, easy, goes well with bananas, strawberries, and blueberries.

Honey Nut Cheerios are NOT ALLOWED IN MY HOUSE. They are simply too delicious and I eat them to completion.

Temptation is the only things I can’t resist.

Cheerios are good, but not overwhelmingly delicious.

When you have to make a choice of where to go next, and the choices seem overwhelming, start with the next easy step.

Find Your Path

To decide where to take your life, the next easy step is a review of the past. Here is an exercise I use in the workshops I lead to remind women of where they’ve been.

Start with a blank piece of paper and a pen.

For me, as an example, I was competitive with my older brother. We are essentially Irish Twins. He learned to tie his shoes. I saw him do it. I knew that if HE could tie his shoes, I could tie my own shoes too. So I sat there and practiced until I got it and could do it over and over again. I was super proud of myself. Lesson: When I focus on something, I get it done.

Next, What are you most proud of from 5-14 years old? Essentially, what is your most proud moment from Elementary School? For me, I won the science fair. I came up with an idea, executed it, and won a prize. I was thrilled. Lesson: Again, when I focus on something, I can get it done.

From 14-18 years, your high school years… what is your proudest moment?

18-25?

25-35?

35-45?

45-55?

55-65?

65-75?

75-85?

85+?

For each time period, think back to what is your proudest moment. Write down the details and think about how it made you feel.

After that, look for the threads of continuity. Everyone has those “red threads”… themes that stand out that you can weave together to develop your story. See what’s important to you and how your focused on that throughout your life to date.

Then think about how you want to see that thread going forward. How do you want to use that knowledge as you plan your next chapter.

It’s a simple exercise. It’s even more profound if you do it with a friend and share each story with them and they listen for the themes and strengths you share in each. Other people can often see the parts that we miss.

In coming up with what is truly important for you, your past actions reflect that in subtle ways. It’s worth spending time and investigating your past to find out where you want to focus your future.

If you have any trouble with this exercise, let me know. I would be happy to walk you through this to help you discern your threads.

Thankful for You

I want to let you know that I am very thankful to have you as a reader of my blog. As we head into Thanksgiving week (which lead into Black Friday!) I take the time to appreciate you being there and supporting me on my journey. You have lots to do with your time and the fact that you choose to spend this time with me… I thank you.

Have a delicious holiday week! Stay distant from returning college students… who knows where they’ve been!

Best,

Alicia

PS: This is completely random, but I may have mentioned that I am doing Noom, which I am totally LOVING… Aaron is my coach and he is THE BEST. But, a friend of mine who is a nutritionist and focuses on helping women with bloating and related issues (read constipation there… things we don’t talk about…) is offering a special class for women. Here’s the link to get all the details… Her early bird pricing lasts through Friday and the detox starts on Monday… so jump in!  Here’s the link. It goes to Urban Spice Nutrition. Maria is lovely and very caring. Just in case you suffer as I do… Mine led to colon cancer. I recommend avoiding that.