Transitions are HARD. And yet you face them and are expected to survive with little to no guidance.

You face many transitions in life.

Here are 5 Major Life Transitions

There’s the transition from after high school graduation to college. Suddenly you must do your own laundry, and no one wakes you up in the morning.

Then from college to career. Now you are supposed to be adulting and that’s not easy. You are expected to make financial decisions, decorating decisions, health care decisions… of course you muster through, but it’s mostly through sheer luck that you survive.

From there you encounter the transition from a single person to a married person. At least you have someone to share major life decisions with as well as the dishes. You learn the give and take of relationships. You quickly learn that marriage is a whole lot harder than you had previously thought.

Another transition occurs as you move from being a couple to a family. You had always had the answers for your friends when they were struggling raising their kids, and now you’re in that boat. You realize again it’s a whole lot harder to be the perfect parents running on three inconsecutive hours of sleep.

But you keep learning and moving forward. Raising a family is challenging, but the rewards are worth the pain.

Suddenly you are the proud parent of a high school graduate. Your child is heading off to college.

And it hits you… like a rock to your head.

You have no plan for the transition when the kids leave

You had planned your whole life… up until now. You knew you would marry, have kids, raise a family…

But then there was nothing. No next step. What do you do once the kids move on?

You’ve read about it. It has the kitschy label of the “empty nest.”

What feels empty is the pit in your stomach.

Or the hole that is left in your heart as you prepare to bid your teenager good-bye.

You see, all the focus has been on your child. Getting him through high school and into the college of his choice, or any college for that matter. Who gets to pick these days anyway?

Then you spend the summer preparing him… reviewing “Life Essentials.” How to separate laundry, how to fold a t-shirt, how to sew on a button, how to make coffee, how to make good decisions, etc.

And then he’s gone.

And what you have is an extra seat at the table.

You’re back to driving yourself.

The house is quiet, which you thought you’d enjoy, but now really hate.

You think you hear his voice, but it’s a phantom.

You miss him. The hole in your heart waits anxiously for a FaceTime call, a text, any sign of life.

And time passes.

The pain dulls.

After Transition… the pain of PLSD is called grief

You suddenly realize you’ve been grieving his absence. You are ashamed. Your job all along has been to launch this child, and you’ve successfully achieved that.

No one told you it would be so hard to let go… to cut the tether… to push the guy from the nest.

No one told you that in your joy for his advancement, you would be left incomplete. Like he took your right arm with him.

But really it was your heart.

Not the one inside of your pumping your blood, because that is still happening… your blood is still circulating. But the heart of your soul.

As each child leaves the nest, you can feel your life force deflating.

Because while you’ve been preparing him for 18 years for this LAUNCH, you didn’t know you would suffer from PLST.

Yes. It’s a real thing. Post Launch Stress Disorder.

You have a lot to be stressed about it’s true.

Now you don’t know if your child is safely tucked into bed each night. You can check his location in your phone if you’re lucky. But you don’t know for sure.

And you worry.

But more than that, you worry about what will happen to YOU now. How will you fill this void? You didn’t have a post-launch plan for your life.

Now it’s YOUR TIME

Now it’s YOUR TIME

Now that you have space in your life, it’s time to refocus on YOUR next move. You have lots of skills and talent that the world needs. You need to refocus and plan your next move.

If you’re not sure how to get started, here are 5 steps to help you focus on your next steps*:

1. Write out a list of 25 things you are curious about. Be as specific as possible. It’s topics you would love to spend the weekend researching, reading about different ways to deal with your topic, talking to people about it. For me, as an example, I am curious about productivity and how to develop systems to increase productivity, and how to overcome emotional roadblocks that keep you from being productive. I take all kinds of courses and read books and talk to people about productivity because I am super curious about it. I am also super interested in how to increase my ability to focus. I also love to research effective ways to motivate people. And how to have better conversations. Write your list and see what you come up with.
2. Look for where your curiosities cross. For me, productivity and focus are interrelated.
3. Make a second list of problems that you would like to see solved. Keep working at it until you have at least 15 problems. I’m talking about big problems. For me, my list includes literacy. Everyone should be able to read. I want everyone to enjoy reading as much as I do. I get upset when I read about the mistreatment of animals. I can’t watch movies where animals are hurt. It pains me to the core. Abuse of power upsets me. You get the point. Make a list of at least 15 problems.
4. Now look for ways you can marry your interests with a greater purpose. For me, I could look at how literacy can improve people’s productivity or focus or how to motivate companies to stop testing on animals. How can you take what you are curious about and connect it with a greater purpose that is meaningful to you?
5. Think about your own history. What causes have you served in the past? Where have you donated time, money, or energy where you could make a difference? What causes have made a difference in your life?

This is the beginning of the process to help you to decipher what your next steps might be. It’s time to shake up your grieving for the loss of that time of your life and find new meaning that will make a difference to you and the world.

The world is hungry for what you have to offer. You have many years of experience to share. Accept the transition time and do what you can to move forward with your life.

If you would like more assistance with this transition, you can email me, and we can talk about options.

Best,

Alicia

*This article is made possible by the book, The Art of the Impossible, by Steven Kotler